entry one
to my love, my heart,
im sorry for everything i've done recently, how i've acted. i wish i could change it but even if i try nothing ever becomes of it. im sorry for upsetting you, for blocking and unfriending you multiple times. i don't know why i do it and i have no excuse. i guess i just get, tired? overwhelmed? one or the other i don't quite now how to explain it but i'm sorry for it. i know that even if it is my fault you will always end up apologising for it even though i should. i will admit i do not have a way with words and i don't know what to say when i need to. i'm sorry i can't change the way i act, and i'm sorry for the way i act. i'm sorry that even if you don't want me to, telling me countless times not to i'll still cut. sometimes for apparently no reason. most of the time because of a certain someone. i just wish that i could stop so that it'd make it easier for you to stop too. i wish i could stop doing things that make you want to.
don't forget that i always love you
- <3 v
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entry two
to my world, my everything,
im sorry for whatever i was doing or did for the previous days. i know i told you that the fact that you loved me made me uncomfortable and feel weird but it wasn't even true. i don't know why i do the things i do, i was actively trying to stop but it's hard i guess. i don't want you to love me because i feel like you're wasting your time. i don't want that for you, and i guess telling you that the fact you loved me made me uncomfortable was an attempt to try to make you to stop loving me. i don't know why you're so persistent on loving me and it makes me feel bad because i then feel like i'm not enough because you have to apologise for the things i do. even if you don't think it's true a lot of the things i do are toxic/manipulative and i don't know how to fix myself. even trying to manipulate you into thinking that because your love made me uncomfortable you should leave me. i don't know why i did what i did, i love you so fucking much and i don't know what i'd do if you left me but it'd feel better knowing you aren't wasting your time everyday having to spend a lot of your time with just one person. i'm sorry for everything that i do, i'm sorry for being incompetent, i'm sorry i can't admit that i'm wrong when i should, i'm sorry that i can't apologise when i should, i'm sorry for everything that i am, i'm sorry you love me, i'm sorry you're still with me, i'm sorry for giving you such a hard time everyday, i'm sorry i'm so sensitive, i'm sorry i cry so much, i'm sorry for everything.
please don't stop loving me, i love that you do even if it makes me feel like you're wasting your time and please remember that as long as i'm alive i still love you and will love you always.
- <3 v
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